


nothing ever felt more right

by yousetmyheartonfire



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Acting, First Kiss, Fix-it fic, Kissing, M/M, NO DEATH, Our Town references, Shakespeare, The Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 15:16:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18471571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yousetmyheartonfire/pseuds/yousetmyheartonfire
Summary: Neil doesn’t die. He gets sent to boarding school and finally reunites with Todd.





	nothing ever felt more right

Neil was hopelessly obsessed with the theatre. Todd was never a huge fan of Shakespeare before coming to Welton, but now he could recite half of his sonnets and, perhaps unfortunately, knew the entire script to “A Midsomer Night’s Dream.” It really wasn’t his roommates fault that he could constantly hear him practicing his lines. Todd had helped Neil run lines so many times he was sure he could be an understudy for anyone in the play. 

When the big night finally came, Neil was nothing short of amazing. Much like when Todd had the revelation that he was destined to be a poet, Neil seemed to be meant for the stage. Todd couldn’t be more proud of him. He was so moved that he scratched the beginning of a poem on his program. 

The festivities were cut short when Neil was pulled out of the theatre by his father. He shot a meaningful look at Todd and everyone knew something bad was coming. The premonition was not unfounded; almost all the boys knew what kind of a man Neil’s father was. Todd was terrified for his roommate, his friend, his  best friend. He knew he had to do something. He grabbed Neil’s shoulder and slipped the program into his pocket. Nobody else noticed save for the two boys. Then Neil was forced back towards his father. 

As they all watched Neil disappear into the car, Mr. Keating told them not to make the situation worse. Todd didn’t know how it could get any more worse, but he knew he couldn’t let it go. The only problem was that he had no idea where Neil lived. As the others went home, Todd stood frozen outside. Keating told him to come with him, but he was too anxious. He prayed that the poem would keep Neil from doing anything stupid, or at least comfort him if his father berated him for the night. 

He woke up in the middle of the night, confused as to why he was awake. It was still dark outside and he really wasn’t a morning person. Then he heard it again, a distinct tapping, right on the window. He scrambled out of bed, rushing to look outside. He cane face to face with the boy who took up nearly all of his thoughts. 

He hastily opened the window and Neil climbed in through.

“You’re freezing!” Todd exclaimed as he helped him to his feet. 

Neil shrugged. He was dressed in his clothes from that night, his coat barely buttoned except for the few that hung askew. Todd brushed the snow from his shoulders while Neil just stared. 

“What’s wrong?” Todd asked warily. He couldn’t tell if Neil would cry, scream, or collapse. 

Neil was staring, eyelids heavy, at Todd’s nose. His face looked like it was being pulled to the center of the Earth, no trace of the happiness from a few hours prior. 

“My dad said he was sending me to boarding school and that I’d be a doctor,” Neil replied, his voice flat, holding back tears. 

Todd’s eyebrows furrowed together as he turned up the heater. Neil rid himself of his coat, causing snow to fall to the floor.

Todd couldn’t comprehend it. “He can’t be serious!” 

Neil nodded solemnly. He looked as though he was holding even more back, but continued restraining himself. His hand ghosted over Todd’s arm. Todd took it as a sign that he needed to be comforted. He may not be the best at helping people, especially when they were on the verge of tears, but when he wrapped his arms around Neil nothing felt more right. Neil melted and broke into slight sobs on his shoulder. Todd closed his eyes and gripped at the back of Neil’s shirt. 

When Neil’s tears subsided, he pulled away slightly so Todd’s arms stayed around him. He looked at him meaningfully. 

“I was gonna... I was about to give up, you know. Everything felt so hopeless, but I remembered that you stuck something in my pocket and—“ Neil looked overcome with emotion. “I read your poem. I—“ 

He couldn’t seem to find the words to convey his feelings. He looked at Todd with so much feeling in his eyes. Todd nodded for him to continue, his expression soft yet eager. 

Neil did the only thing he could think of to show how much the poem meant to him. He wasn’t so good with words, but when he connected their lips, nothing felt more right. 

Todd thought that his hastily scribbled poem wasn’t even that good. Neil would, of course disagree. What they could both agree on was that the first kiss they shared wasn’t very good at all. Neil’s lips were soaked in tears and he was still shivering from the cold. They were both inexperienced and it was probably their first ever kiss. Despite all this, it had meant the world to them at the time. It proved that no matter what anyone said, nothing could stop whatever they felt for each other. They wouldn’t let anyone get in their way, not Neil’s dad, the school, or even the damn world. 

When they parted, neither knew what to say. Everything had already been said after all. They held each other close until Todd insisted Neil go to bed. It had been a long night and no matter what tomorrow held, they could figure it out. They fell asleep in the same bed. 

Of course, that was last winter. Since then, the sun had melted all the snow and Neil inevitably got sent away. Todd tried to write him letters, but only got a few in return. Clearly they were keeping a strict eye on the other. When school let out for summer, Neil told Todd that he would come to visit no matter what. Todd sent him his address, but doubted that Neil would be able to make his way over. 

He was writing in the midday sun, completely lost in thought. He sat on his front porch, feet propped up on the stool in front of him. He was snapped out of his daze when he noticed a car circling the block. His eyes narrowed, trying to see the driver. He set his notebook and pen aside. As the car came closer, he sat up straight and tried to get a better look. Then the car slowly pulled up to his house. Todd stood and recognized the driver immediately. His mind went blank when he saw Neil climb out of the car. 

“Todd!” Neil walked up to the porch. 

Todd thought it was cliche to feel like he finally understood how Juliet felt when Romeo returned to her, but that was the only comparison that seemed appropriate. Yet no metaphor could truly explain the light-hearted joy he felt as the embraced right in front of his house. Todd could write a million poems, but could never really get the exact feeling to translate into words. He would trade all his words to live in this moment forever though. 

“I didn’t think you’d make it,” Todd stuttered out, still shocked. 

Neil buried his head into the other’s hair. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” 

Todd insisted that Neil stay with him as long as he could. They spend all of July together, practically inseparable. They spent all their time reading, swimming in a nearby lake, or just sitting under a tree and talking. They would go to drive in movies and grab sodas after wards, yet they never mentioned the kiss. It was constantly playing through both of their minds, but neither had the courage to ask about it. Todd hoped it wasn’t a spur of the moment mistake. 

It started raining when they were laying outside, and they found cover under a huge tree. Occasional raindrops would make their way through the branches, landing on their heads, wetting their already soaked hair. They sat closely, but still a respectable inch apart. Their hands were mere millimeters apart, pulled together like magnets, held back only by insecurity. 

Neil was gushing about the play he showed Todd. It was Our Town by Thornton Wilder. For the first two acts, Todd was completely uninterested. He thought it was slow and monotonous. Then the third act slapped him in the face with life lessons and subtle messages. 

Neil loved every second of it. 

“God, I love the idea that people can talk to each other after they die,” Neil commented. 

“I wish I could be buried next to you so we could keep talking forever. I couldn’t imagine never seeing you again,” Todd replied thoughtlessly. 

By the time the effect of his words hit him, color rose to his face. Neil was looking at him strangely. Todd decided to focus on the sound of rain pouring down. He imagined it was the same as waves crashing on to the shore. 

After a moment, Neil said, “Yeah, I’ll have to buy the plot of land right next to you.” He nudged Todd’s shoulder. He looked over and smiled. 

He remembered Keating’s lessons on seizing the day and could only think “carpe diem” when he leaned up to kiss Neil for the second time ever. Of course, it had been a while and it was the first time Todd initiated it, so he was riddled with anxiety. Thankfully, it only took Neil a moment to respond and they were kissing under a tree in the middle of a storm. 

By the time they were nearly horizontal, a crack of thunder scared them apart. When his heartbeat turned down, Todd could hear Neil laughing. He joined in and it was the happiest either had been in months. Todd pushes Neil up so his back rested on the tree trunk and continued to kiss him until his breath ran out. Nothing had ever felt more right.      


End file.
